Seven principles of a happy life
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“I found myself in a dark wood, for the straight way was lost. Ah, how hard it is to tell what that wood was; wild, rugged, harsh. The very thought of it renews the fear!” (Dante)
Seven principles of a happy life
As part of reaching the grand age of 50 this year, I have been
facing up to mid life crisis, bearing the ominous words of Dante in
mind. He described his own mid life situation in the Inferno. My mid
life is more positive than that, but still it’s proving to be a time of
thought and reflection, and questions about what next?
I have been reading a lot, and have come across some
marvellous books on positive living and the spiritual life. There seems
to be lots of “7”s in these ideas, both in literatures and business; the
seven whispers of wisdom, the seven spiritual laws of success, the
seven habits of highly effective people, and so on (not to mention the
seven dwarfs, the seven deadly sins and 7up..)
So, what better time to create my own seven laws for a happy life, to dispel the despondency of age!
1. Live in the moment
Lots of literature and self help steers on this, but sometimes hard
to put into practice…Buddhists talk about living in the moment and
appreciating what we have right here, right now. There is so much of a
tendency in our increasingly frenetic lives to be thinking about what we
have to do later on, tomorrow, next week, or be fretting about
something that happened yesterday, that has been and gone. Christine
Baldwin outlines a breathing technique that encourages you to slow down,
and be mindful of where you are, called (as I affectionately refer to
it) the “lbw” technique; let go (of immediate thoughts and worries), be
here (what’s happening inside right now), and think what next? Worth a
proper read through in her book (see link at the end), but does
illustrate the need to conscious of each moment of our lives
It’s a difficult one to get hold of and maintain, but
important to try and keep an element of wider perception. William Blake
said “If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would
appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he
sees all things thru' narrow chinks of his cavern." Part of
learning to live in the moment I think is also around creating space to
reflect and meditate, and increasingly I am trying to find this; I
haven’t got to the two 1 hour slots in every day that some of the
teachings suggest, but work in progress!
2. Keeping positive and “oiling” coping mechanisms for when life goes wrong
I have written some on this in the self esteem article, and believe
that being positive and confident is a gift. Some people have it like a
naturally occurring spring; others have to work harder to generate it.
However, we all struggle with its loss from time to time, and need to
create coping mechanisms to get it back, if its gets lost through life’s
periodic travails and mishaps. I call this the “bounce back”, and it’s
worth knowing and understanding what you need to do when these things
happen to sail into calm and sunny waters again…(see article below)
3. Nurture family and friends
Seeing
all the people who turned up to my 50th party gathered together
recently, reminded me in a compelling way, how very important immediate
family, birth family and good friends are. A guy I met in Turkey
travelling said to me “if you can count on the fingers of both hands how
many real friends you have, you are a lucky man”.
We have all probably heard variations on this cliché, but good
friends who will stick by you in a crisis, and understand what true
reciprocation means, are worth their weight in gold.
4. Stay fit and healthy
I have written about the benefits of exercise in one of the blogs,
and somehow have re-gained the habit in the last few months, having lost
it since my twenties and thirties, when I did lots of football, squash
and tennis. I think I have by now integrated this as part of the
furniture in my life, along with brushing teeth and having a shower. All
the aches and pains that were starting to emerge have not entirely gone
away, but much less prevalent. This cannot just be down to glucosamine!
5. Do what you enjoy (mostly) and have a passion for
Statement of the obvious? Perhaps, but some people grow up being told that things they hate doing are good for them, and “character building”. Whilst being grateful for being pushed through Mathematics to O level standard, I struggle to grasp the ongoing needs of knowing about logarithms, how to use a protractor, and tangents and cosines.
The point I am trying to make is that it’s important not to sleep
walk through life doing something (especially your job) that you either
feel pretty ambivalent about, or actually don’t like. We weren’t created
to do this. As Nelson Mandela said in his inaugural address (well he
was actually quoting someone else, but the sentiment is important)
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
There is also something about integrity in this
principle; being true to yourself, and recognising that your strengths
are the things that you will do well.
6. Be there for others
Whether we believe in the concept of altruism or not, its good to
be there for others, on both practical and emotional levels, as it’s at
the root of intimacy, and the biggest single strength of being human.
Deepak Chopra says “every relationship is one of give and
take. Giving engenders receiving, and receiving engenders giving. What
goes up must come down; what goes out must come back”
7. Always keep developing
A personal passion and a lifetime’s work in my view. Some people I
come across in my work and socially have “calcified” and become
seemingly stuck, and set in their ways. I do think fate or whatever it
is, opens up opportunities and ideas for us every day, if we choose to
see them. Stephen Covey calls is “sharpening the saw”. Just as a motor
car or any other sophisticated tool needs regular care and maintenance,
so too do the human body & mind.
I include spirituality in this also. Not necessarily
religion, but a sense of a wider context than the small canvas that we
live our lives on. For some, this is the power of nature and landscape,
for others it’s a life of giving and support.
“Every relationship is one of give and take. Giving engenders receiving, and receiving engenders giving. What goes up must come down; what goes out must come back”Deepak ChopraFor me, one of my passions is to write, and I may look at turning this into a book; could be pie in the sky, but on the basis of principle 5: I run a successful business, have travelled and worked around the world, have recorded a music album, and achieved a good deal of happiness and love being in a family, and lots of other things I am proud of, so why not?
